Something feels off.  I cannot put my finger on it.  I have spent some time trying to figure it out over the last few days and it has just left me feeling.....unsettled.  So like normal, I have taken to words and verbal processing because I do not know what else to do. The best I can come up with is that all the things have hit me.  Maybe I pushed through too much.  Maybe I didn't take the time to process a lot of things, especially over the last year.  Maybe life has just finally caught up to me and I am worn out. I do feel like a walking contradiction.  It seems like a constant back and forth in my head and heart.  Do I do this or do that?  Do I want this or do I want that?  Do I feel this or feel that?  And it is not like they are similar, more like polar opposites. I find myself often feeling a bit lost lately.  Life did not go as I planned.  I did not think I would be almost 43, single mom to four kids.  I am not going to get into any dirty details about my marriage en