Wow, I think this blog had grown cobwebs. I am not sure if anyone out there in cyber land is reading, but ask me if I care. Where have I been? Clearly, not here. The last year and a half have been a whirlwind of emotions. Mostly rough, sad, upsetting. The birth of Elodie was the bright spot in a time of very dark moments. I would like to think we are coming to a close on all of that. Though I will say the ache of losing my Gramma, I fear, is something that will never go away completely. The goings on here have been numerous. Yet the more things change, the more they stay the same. We are a family of six now. We have settled into being labeled a big family. We have grown accustomed to the looks and the comments of, "You must have your hands full!" and "You do not what causes that, don't you?" If I had a dime..... Life is moving along. We are not only busy with, well, all the kids, but with working on the house in hopes of getting the thing listed. Ah, y...

Once I found out I was pregnant again, I really thought about learning to knit. Why knit, you ask? Because I cloth diaper and love to use wool shorts and pants as a diaper cover/clothes for Xander. I knew I would want to do the same with this baby. Mom taught me some knitting techniques years ago. I vaguely remember the needles and yarn and her teaching me to cast on and knit. I seemed to have not really retained it though. Finally, a week ago, I bit the bullet. That is how I am. Jump in with both feet or not at all. Off I want to Wal-Mart to get some needles, a simple how-to book, and some yarn. I came home and started looking things over. It seemed overwhelming. I turned to the internet for some how-to videos. Still overwhelmed. I lack patience and get frustrated easily as a result. I am also a creature of comfort and do not take to learning new things easily or readily. The first night, I figured out how to cast on. Score one for me! The knit stitch was giving me a h...

I have often felt very blessed by the family I have. Both my family that I was born into and the family I married into. I know that what I have surrounding me is rare. It is the norm around here is go to my sister's house once a week, if possible. She has three older kids with lots of activities so it can be hard. But at the very least, it is once every other week. Not only is this great for our kids, it has been for us as well. I am not sure that I have ever felt as close to my sister as I do right now. She is undoubtedly my best friend. Not only that, but her kids are.....awesome. They just are. I love them as if they were my own kids. You just have to know these young people. I send them e-mails sometimes and the responses I get.....I read them over and over and wonder how I got so lucky to be their aunt. They are just that phenomenal. No joke. It is beyond words what those kids mean to me. It seriously warms my heart just to see them. To see my nieces and nephew...

I am not going to get all political.... Just want to say: make your voice be heard. GO VOTE! It is a privilege to do so. I walked all three kids to the poll today to cast our vote. We all got our I Voted stickers and walked ourselves back home. Now, we wait.

I wonder..... Why do songs evoke emotions in us? Why do we remember song lyrics so easily yet can not recall a history fact? What causes songs to bring up a memory in a second? I love music. Always have. I remember lyrics to songs from the 80's. I remember nothing else. But a song? Can put me right back to that time and place. With the people and the feelings. I wonder what it is that does that to us. I am sure there is some scientific reason. Some study. Some research. I spent many nights listening to music as a teen. It was some sort of relief. If I hear one of those songs today, I can immediately go back to that awkward 13 year old again. I remember songs from being a small child (Free To Be anyone? Rainbow Connection?) I remember songs I sang with my girlfriends (Doin' The Butt, Mambo #5). I remember the last song played at my Senior Prom. But it is not the songs. It is the ability of those songs to bring back the emotions of the time in a sweeping flood....

I have been........busy. My apologies. (Madison.) I had a big cookie opportunity come up and it involved making a little over 100 cookies. Sort of a big deal. Then there was the whole taking care of the kids thing and you know. Life. I also have been trying to get Halloween costumes together as well as plan Xander's first birthday party. It is just a busy time of the year. I have some pictures. I will try to get some up soon and maybe a real post as well. What can I say? I suck.

We have started the new home school year. Yes I realize I am nuts. No need to point out the obvious people. So far, so good. I am enjoying the more free schooling we have adapted for this year. Fits my personality better. And we all know, if mama ain't happy..... So it goes. Another year to begin. I am not sure what it is about this time of the year. But I like it. The weather is cooler already. It is as if with fall comes a new chapter in life. Or just as the leaves change, so does your view. A new beginning if you will. I hate to admit this out loud, but having the baby hit me harder than I expected. Everyone said that adding number three was seamless. Once you have two, one more is no big deal. Either they lied or I am a freak. Because it kicked my arse. I think I am just now coming out of the baby fog. And it feels good. Do not get me wrong. I love the little guy. But it has not been easy. Mostly on my mind. Which as anyone who knows me can attest to, is...

I love to read. I have since I was little. I also have a bad habit of getting completely engrossed in what I am reading. Getting so wrapped up that I can not put the book down until I know what happens. I am still this way. I have no self control when it comes to reading. That is not the shameless part. What is shameless is what I like to read. Chick lit. There I said. I like to read the mindless dribble that is chick lit. Not romance novels. Just your run of the mill chick lit. Over the past couple of weeks I have reignited my love of reading. And I gave into the chick lit. What is it about this genre that does me in? I have found that I enjoy the books that involve being a mom as well. Which makes sense. It is relateable on that level in some way. I can not quite put my finger on the draw. The last three books I have read, I have been able to identify with the main characters in some way. Seeing as to how they were all moms. I also seem to like (this is even more ...

Cause me to long for fall. I am looking forward to stews and roast and soups again. In the summer it is hard to find food that sounds good when the temperature outside feels like 112. Today we woke up to overcast skies, rain and fairly cool weather. It feels wonderful. I am sitting here uploading pictures while Mark and Emma play Mario Party 8 on the Wii, Xander plays his toy piano (lovely sound) and Davis colors behind me humming. It really is a great day. The only thing I am not looking forward too this fall is that my baby (!?!?!?) will be celebrating his one year birthday already. I do not want to think about it really.

The thoughts in my mind. This is what they do. Swirl. I realized today that my niece is at "that age". The age that started making my life so very difficult. That cusp. That Britteny Spears song. Not a girl. Not yet a woman. I wonder if she is struggling with all of it like I did. I wonder if she questions herself at every turn. I wonder if she lacks the ability at times to make a decision. I wonder if that is only something that I dealt with. I wonder if she is like her mother. Who never seemed to have this internal struggle. My sister always seemed to know who she was. Never seemed to second guess herself and always knew which way to go. She never showed any sign of being unsure. I hope my niece is like her mother. I spent far too many moments wondering. I was a day dreaming child and if I had to guess I would say that I dreamed 50% of my life away at that time. I think I might have been my own worst critic. My biggest enemy was myself. I have never figur...

In all honesty, some days I have no clue. Materials are gathered. In opting to strike out more on your own and go the eclectic route, it takes more time. So far we are doing well. English, Math and History have been secured for Emma. I did opt to go with an all in one program for Davis for preschool. Yes people. I am now home schooling both kids. Yes I am crazy. Possibly certifiable. Xander is still not sleeping through the night. He is only waking once usually though. He nurses and goes right back to sleep. He has four teeth now and is eating solids well. I will not divulge how often he still nurses. It is our secret. The big kids are set and ready to begin school hopefully in mid to late August. The materials I have ordered are on their way to me. We bought school supplies yesterday. Here is hoping I can keep Davis interested. Nothing else new to report. Other than the lady at Wal-Mart asked me yesterday if I was pregnant again. I almost choked her. I am back t...

Maybe it is my house, but my laundry breeds. I am not joking. One second there is NO laundry in the hamper and the next thing I know it is full and I have two loads to do. Sometimes I think that is all I do all day. Well, and wash dishes. I think it would be good to be a kid here. At my house. This is what they do while I waste away doing laundry. It looks rough doesn't it? He looks positively exhausted. Form his big morning of what? Pooping and nursing? Must have been eating his breakfast. And even though the Xan Man looks more like his mama (only took three tries), we still have proof that he is his father's son. Witness, the tongue hanging out of his face. Complete with spittle.

At times I wonder if I am the only one like this? It seems my mind "writes" all day long. I have on internal dialog going all the time. Perhaps I am odd. At the forefront of my mind is a simple thought. Why is it that we, usually women it seems, are so hard on ourselves and each other? Why is it that we seem to judge ourselves and other women so very often? Why is it that we can not be happy with who we are? How we look? What we have? What we do? Why is it never enough? Once again, this is possibly something that only I deal with and encounter. It took me some time to be content. Content with who I am. How I look. Being a mom. Staying at home. Being "just a mom". Years in fact passed that I always was looking for something else. Something more. Why, I now think, was being a mom not enough? These days I am old and tired. I have been at this gig for eight years now. I have done the newborn thing (three times), the terrible two's (twice so far),...

I figure my kids will need concrete evidence of the wretched mom I was. You know, for therapy when they are adults. So I might as well supply it in the form of photos. To add to the collection..... Emma was helping with cookies the other day. She wiped her hands on her butt. Cracked me up. I was laughing so hard I almost could not take the picture. Then I almost peed my pants. Of course, Davis had to be in it too. So the combo of the butt prints and Davis's grin.....good stuff. Looks like a ghost grabbed her butt.

Most days I have no idea what that is. Or for that matter why I do any of the things I do. It seems odd to me that some may see something I do as more work or a bit out there, when well, it just makes sense to me. I stay at home. Always have (since Emmaline was born over 8 years ago.) I will in all likelihood always be at home. I honestly do not ever see myself working outside of the home again. At this rate, IF we have one more child, I will have four kids spaced about four years apart. Even if Xander is the last, I could easily be raising a teenager and be a Grandma. (Though Emma says she is not having kids. She wants to work for the ASPCA and kids and a job do not mix to her.) For a lot of people this is odd. Never working again? Nope. I have breastfed two kids now. Davis nursed for 11 months. Xander is still going strong at just over six months. I am leaning to child led weaning this time. Which could mean nursing to the age of two or beyond. Yes, to most this m...

KU takes the title baby. Two words.... ROCK CHALK!!!!!!!!!!!!! See ya in 2009!

Tonight is the night. KU takes on Memphis. ROCK CHALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you missed the game Saturday I am sorry. It was lovely. First KU was up by a gazillon points. Then UNC got it to 4. But ah....KU fought back and won the game. 84-66. If I was ten years younger I would have had my badonkadonk on Mass Street Saturday night. It was a party. If you need me, call before eight tonight. I will be unable to answer the phone after that. If I was younger, once again, I would go to Allen Fieldhouse and watch the game there. Oh and if I did not have all these kids. ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK KU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bring it Memphis.

Ah yes. Go KU!!! Xander is ready to go. (Thanks to Uncle Patrick for his KU outfit. It is a 12 months size and buddah belly almost did not fit in the shirt......good night) We will be watching the game tonight. May KU beat 'ol Roy Boy and those tarheels. Xander is resting up for the excitement of this evening.

On a totally random note, I wonder why there are songs about daddies seeing their daughters grow up but never songs about mommies seeing their sons grow up? I hear all these songs about dads and their daughters but never a one about moms and their sons. Now I have some of each here. And I am by far not looking forward to them leaving me, boy or girl. But why no songs about watching your baby boy become a man? Anyhoo, now that you had to read that, here are some new pictures. The big man, complete with drool, who can now bounce himself silly in his jumpy thing. There is nothing like the love of a sibling...and figuring out how to suck your thumb. Hardwood floors feel funny under your feet. Look at those eyes.....my goodness he is GORGEOUS! No words needed...

If I could escape I would, but first of all let me say I must apologize for acting, stinking, treating you this way Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold If I could escape And re-create a place as my own world And I could be your favorite girl Forever, perfectly together Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet? If I could be sweet (sorry boy) I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change) I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever) Forever, we can make it better Tell me boy, Now wouldn't that be sweet? Sweet escape (I wanna get away, to our sweet escape) You let me down I'm at my lowest boiling point Come help me out I need to get me out of this joint Come on, let's bounce Counting on you to turn me around Instead of clowning around let's look for some common ground So baby, times getting a little crazy I...