At times I wonder if I am the only one like this? It seems my mind "writes" all day long. I have on internal dialog going all the time. Perhaps I am odd.
At the forefront of my mind is a simple thought. Why is it that we, usually women it seems, are so hard on ourselves and each other? Why is it that we seem to judge ourselves and other women so very often? Why is it that we can not be happy with who we are? How we look? What we have? What we do? Why is it never enough? Once again, this is possibly something that only I deal with and encounter.
It took me some time to be content. Content with who I am. How I look. Being a mom. Staying at home. Being "just a mom". Years in fact passed that I always was looking for something else. Something more. Why, I now think, was being a mom not enough?
These days I am old and tired. I have been at this gig for eight years now. I have done the newborn thing (three times), the terrible two's (twice so far), the whining three's (twice), the horrifc fours (once and currently drinking my way through them again), the talk back five, and sixes and sevens and now eights. But that may just be Emma.
I rarely second guess myself anymore. I rarely feel inferior anymore. I rarely feel as if I am some sort of super mom and June Cleaver chick. I just am who I am. Like or not, take it or leave it. Granted this took me close to 30 years to get here. Two kids and married for eight or so years. I am possibly a slow learner.
I look back now at the time I wasted wondering what more there was to life than being a mom. Feeling less important because at the end of two weeks I have no paycheck. I do not get paid in money. My paychecks are far more valuable than that.
I am not sure my point here. Just that adding this newest little one and taking care of the two bigs ones and all that comes with this bogged me down for some months. I feel as if the clouds are parting now and I remember once again why I got into this mom business in the first place. Not to be better. Not to prove anything. Not to be super mom. Simply because I can. *I* get to be the mom. *I* get that honor. Simply because I was born the woman. I am now remembering how blessed I am to get this opportunity.
At the end of the day, what more could I want?
At the forefront of my mind is a simple thought. Why is it that we, usually women it seems, are so hard on ourselves and each other? Why is it that we seem to judge ourselves and other women so very often? Why is it that we can not be happy with who we are? How we look? What we have? What we do? Why is it never enough? Once again, this is possibly something that only I deal with and encounter.
It took me some time to be content. Content with who I am. How I look. Being a mom. Staying at home. Being "just a mom". Years in fact passed that I always was looking for something else. Something more. Why, I now think, was being a mom not enough?
These days I am old and tired. I have been at this gig for eight years now. I have done the newborn thing (three times), the terrible two's (twice so far), the whining three's (twice), the horrifc fours (once and currently drinking my way through them again), the talk back five, and sixes and sevens and now eights. But that may just be Emma.
I rarely second guess myself anymore. I rarely feel inferior anymore. I rarely feel as if I am some sort of super mom and June Cleaver chick. I just am who I am. Like or not, take it or leave it. Granted this took me close to 30 years to get here. Two kids and married for eight or so years. I am possibly a slow learner.
I look back now at the time I wasted wondering what more there was to life than being a mom. Feeling less important because at the end of two weeks I have no paycheck. I do not get paid in money. My paychecks are far more valuable than that.
I am not sure my point here. Just that adding this newest little one and taking care of the two bigs ones and all that comes with this bogged me down for some months. I feel as if the clouds are parting now and I remember once again why I got into this mom business in the first place. Not to be better. Not to prove anything. Not to be super mom. Simply because I can. *I* get to be the mom. *I* get that honor. Simply because I was born the woman. I am now remembering how blessed I am to get this opportunity.
At the end of the day, what more could I want?
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