I have been absent around here lately. I think in part because I am not sure what to say. What is at the forefront of my mind is not easy to admit and discuss. And my computer is being all sorts of crazy. And I am worn out.
My understanding is that this baby is due November 12. And besides the fact that lately I am existing on Velveeta Ro-Tel dip and watermelon (don't ask...........no they are not eaten together) I am at 28 weeks, so technically 12 more weeks to go. And freaking out.
I have said to people that this has thrown me off. But I have not said all that I am feeling about it. Overwhelmed. Not sure. Hard time bonding with the baby. I am just not doing well with it this time. I feel more like a first time mom than a third time mom and I am not sure what my problem is.
I wanted another child and this one was planned the same as the other two were. I have wanted another since Davis was six months old, so for three years. It happened quickly this time and if anything I should be thankful and grateful and excited. Yet I am not. I feel..........stuck.
I know what a new born entails. I am aware that I have many sleepless nights ahead of me. I am aware that breastfeeding is not easy. I have opted to take on cloth diapering this time as well. I know I have my work cut out for me. And maybe that is the issue. Even with Davis I think I still had the fairy tale image of what having a new baby was like. This time all I see is reality and what I am seeing is not looking so hot.
Davis has his nights and days mixed for about two weeks. Breastfeeding was not so easy (though we made it to eleven months). Recovering from the c-section while taking care of another child presented some issues. (though I recover really easily to be honest) I really have little to complain about. Nothing that I encountered in the past both in having a child and in being pregnant has been any more than what the books call typical. Add in that Mark will have plenty of time off, as for once the baby is not due during tax season, and this time may be even easier than the other two times. So what is my problem?
I am aware that I will have a home schooling second grader and a very....curious almost four year old and the new baby. I was aware of this before I opted to ditch birth control and have sex anyway. (sorry if too much info for those reading....but that is how this happened.)
Is it just my hormones causing me to feel slightly depressed about all of this? Or what is it? Is it because this baby will share a room with his or her big sister or big brother but since I do not know which it is, the baby has no place to sleep? I feel completely unprepared and I am trying not to stress out over it all.
Someone please tell me this is normal and once I see this baby all of this other stuff will go away. I will forget about all I am feeling now and wonder how we ever existed without the new little one. Right?
My understanding is that this baby is due November 12. And besides the fact that lately I am existing on Velveeta Ro-Tel dip and watermelon (don't ask...........no they are not eaten together) I am at 28 weeks, so technically 12 more weeks to go. And freaking out.
I have said to people that this has thrown me off. But I have not said all that I am feeling about it. Overwhelmed. Not sure. Hard time bonding with the baby. I am just not doing well with it this time. I feel more like a first time mom than a third time mom and I am not sure what my problem is.
I wanted another child and this one was planned the same as the other two were. I have wanted another since Davis was six months old, so for three years. It happened quickly this time and if anything I should be thankful and grateful and excited. Yet I am not. I feel..........stuck.
I know what a new born entails. I am aware that I have many sleepless nights ahead of me. I am aware that breastfeeding is not easy. I have opted to take on cloth diapering this time as well. I know I have my work cut out for me. And maybe that is the issue. Even with Davis I think I still had the fairy tale image of what having a new baby was like. This time all I see is reality and what I am seeing is not looking so hot.
Davis has his nights and days mixed for about two weeks. Breastfeeding was not so easy (though we made it to eleven months). Recovering from the c-section while taking care of another child presented some issues. (though I recover really easily to be honest) I really have little to complain about. Nothing that I encountered in the past both in having a child and in being pregnant has been any more than what the books call typical. Add in that Mark will have plenty of time off, as for once the baby is not due during tax season, and this time may be even easier than the other two times. So what is my problem?
I am aware that I will have a home schooling second grader and a very....curious almost four year old and the new baby. I was aware of this before I opted to ditch birth control and have sex anyway. (sorry if too much info for those reading....but that is how this happened.)
Is it just my hormones causing me to feel slightly depressed about all of this? Or what is it? Is it because this baby will share a room with his or her big sister or big brother but since I do not know which it is, the baby has no place to sleep? I feel completely unprepared and I am trying not to stress out over it all.
Someone please tell me this is normal and once I see this baby all of this other stuff will go away. I will forget about all I am feeling now and wonder how we ever existed without the new little one. Right?
Comments
That said, I'm only 8 weeks along with my second and I'm feeling much of the same things that you described. Even though the baby was very much wanted and planned, the thought of adding another little one, the sleepless nights, and a new routine is a bit overwhelming right now.