The thoughts in my mind. This is what they do. Swirl. I realized today that my niece is at "that age". The age that started making my life so very difficult. That cusp. That Britteny Spears song. Not a girl. Not yet a woman. I wonder if she is struggling with all of it like I did. I wonder if she questions herself at every turn. I wonder if she lacks the ability at times to make a decision. I wonder if that is only something that I dealt with. I wonder if she is like her mother. Who never seemed to have this internal struggle. My sister always seemed to know who she was. Never seemed to second guess herself and always knew which way to go. She never showed any sign of being unsure. I hope my niece is like her mother. I spent far too many moments wondering. I was a day dreaming child and if I had to guess I would say that I dreamed 50% of my life away at that time. I think I might have been my own worst critic. My biggest enemy was myself. I have never figur

As a mom you have a tendency to give and give until there is nothing left of yourself. After having a child, I have found that I put myself on the back burner for a time and forget about me. It is easy as a mom to put yourself last. It is not good for your mental health though. When you find yourself walking through Wal-Mart and not wanting to go back home to the leeches that suck the life out of you, you are in a bad place. Mostly joking here.... Kids do suck the life out of you though. I have just had to remind myself how important it is to refuel myself. So while it wears me out, it is worth it. I mean how could you not want to squish these kids? (I mean that in a loving way.)

In all honesty, some days I have no clue. Materials are gathered. In opting to strike out more on your own and go the eclectic route, it takes more time. So far we are doing well. English, Math and History have been secured for Emma. I did opt to go with an all in one program for Davis for preschool. Yes people. I am now home schooling both kids. Yes I am crazy. Possibly certifiable. Xander is still not sleeping through the night. He is only waking once usually though. He nurses and goes right back to sleep. He has four teeth now and is eating solids well. I will not divulge how often he still nurses. It is our secret. The big kids are set and ready to begin school hopefully in mid to late August. The materials I have ordered are on their way to me. We bought school supplies yesterday. Here is hoping I can keep Davis interested. Nothing else new to report. Other than the lady at Wal-Mart asked me yesterday if I was pregnant again. I almost choked her. I am back t

My kids DO love each other. Watching them together and separately or paired off in two is amazing to watch. I have to remind myself of how lucky I am to get to witness such interactions when we are in the middle of a, "Davis, get off of your sister's head" moment. Here is photographic proof of the love. I realize this is only the two big kids with their baby brother. I am not sure what a picture of Emma and Davis together would look like. If I had to guess I would go with Davis sitting on Emma's head laughing while you see very little of Emma. Open up for a bite Is it yummy? This is how Xander usually looks at Davis, with hero worship. Hey, there is an Emma behind me. Yes they are watching tv together.... Disclaimer: Emma's orange mustache is from orange soda. Frtz's, all natural.

We survived. And so did the kids. I, however, will not go for more than 3 days again with a child under a year old and still nursing. Here is my list on NYC. Top Ten Awesome Things about NYC: 1~ The city itself 2~ The Subway. Public transportation rocks. 3~ The food. So much, so good. 4~ Central Park. Amazing. Beautiful. 5~ The people. I heard more foreign languages there than English. 6~ Soho and Greenwich Village 7~ The shopping. Seriously. 8~ Seeing the World Trade Center site in person. One does not get the magnitude unless you see it live. 9~ 30 Rock. I know I am a twit. But I love the show and this was too awesome for me. 10~ Did I mention the city? Skyline is breath taking Top Ten Sucky or Amusing Things About NYC (caveat, some of these are just vacation without kids) 1~ Pumping sucks 2~ Pumping sucks in public restrooms and/or airplane restrooms 3~ Tossing breast milk down the drain or in the toilet sucks even worse 4~ Missing your kids is not cool 5

Xander makes a mess with his toys. Just like the other kids do. I think his tongue may be too big for his mouth. It is always hanging out. Xan said mama this week. He has coupled that with reaching for me. Yes it melts me into a mama puddle. This morning his spit up in my face. That did not make me melt. It was gross. Messy toys and tongue issues But he is cute so we do not care! Forgive me for the mess. He likes the stars on his mobile.... How can he reach them? (soon the mobile will have to come down. He is almost there.)