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To The Middle of My Frustrated Fears



I have been told that runners are annoying.  I am fairly certain I was annoying before I became a runner (still not sure I can call myself that).  If so, I have increased in annoyance.  I did not set out to even remotely like running.  It just kind of......happened.  Like a lot of the best things in life do.

Years ago, I took up running for a short time.  I was a stay at home mom and I had gained quite a bit of weight.  Going to the gym was not something that was likely to happen as I still had two littles at home full time.  Needless to say, that stint did not last long.

Fast forward to moving and tossing myself down the stairs.  That had me believe that I might not ever walk again.  Yes, a little dramatic, but damn that hurt.  I realize now I probably should have gotten the physical therapy, but I am a tad on the stubborn side.  I was determined to figure it out on my own.  In time, I was up and walking again.  Did not enter my mind at the time that I would ever run again.  There were times that I wanted to gnaw off my own ankle.  No joke.



Then I started at CCVI.  It was not long before I knew that Trolley Run was a big deal.  Emmaline and I signed up to walk the four miles.  I was not sure we would even survive that walk.  😂  We did and had a good time (the weather that year was amazing!)  I had begun to gain some weight, thinking back, it was probably emotional eating from the loss of my mom.  But that is a whole different blog post.....

It was the winter of 2016 when I saw a photo of myself and was not pleased.  I realized I had gained more weight than I was really comfortable with and needed to make a change.  I had four months to train for Trolley and decided then that I would run the four miles.  No matter how slow, I was going to run all of it.  

I joined the gym and began training on the devil we call the treadmill.  There were days I was in tears because I did not think I would ever make it to four miles running.  My ankle would hurt and swell.  I kept at it and eventually things settled.  I realized I better take to running outside since the run would be outside.  Again, I figured I would hate running outside more than the treadmill.


Until I did that first outdoor run.  And that quote above?  Became real.  I realized that somehow along the way of trying to lose weight and be more healthy physically, I was finding myself.  I was letting things go.  I was freeing  my mind.  It was the one place I could be myself.  By myself.  In short, it was amazing.  

I did Trolley that year and rain in slight rain for four miles.  My time wasn't impressive, but I had set a goal and accomplished it.  I continued to run some over the course of the next few months.  I did not participate in any other runs, just set my sight on getting a better time at the next Trolley Run.


I did beat my time and now a true love of running was settling in me.  I began to see how much better I felt on all levels when I ran with consistency.  A co-worker had run the KC Half the previous fall and I decided that I would run the Half with her in the fall of this year.  I set my sight on training for the half, meanwhile running a couple four mile runs.  It was at this point that distance running set a fire in me.  


Three miles is when I start to let it all go.  I need at least three miles before it melts away and I start to feel free.  Five-six miles is when I feel great.  There is something about taking off from the house, picking a direction, and running until I feel done.  Taking in the sights around me as I go.  Noticing things about our city that I do not normally notice.  Listening to music and freeing my mind, my heart, my soul.  It's cleansing.  It pushes me.  Challenges me.  And I love it.  


So yea.  I am an annoying runner.  On that note....

I think I'll get out of here.  Where I can run, just as fast as I can. To the middle of nowhere, to the middle of my frustrated fears.  

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