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Why Choose It?

Judy posted a comment about being jealous at two weekends away from the kids. About how she figured it would be a long time before she got that chance. I have to admit, I thought better her than me to have the new baby.

After our two weekends away and Mark joking that it was his ploy to convince me to not have anymore, I have to say.....I think it worked.

After thinking about it and being able to get away so easily because the kids are bigger, I could not help but think, why go back and do it all again?

If you had a choice between going out of town for the weekend or being stuck, tied down to a newborn who was feeding from your breasts every two hours and waking every three ,which would you choose?

To which one might say why ever have kids at all.....fine. I have TWO. I have done it TWICE. Not only that, but for anyone who cares about it, I have one of each. One is almost seven, the other almost three. Granted Davis is not potty trained yet, but he does change his own diaper sometimes. We can load up and go to the store quickly, not even taking a diaper bag anymore. Do you know how much stuff newborns require? About ten tons, I think. Why go back to that?

It is so much work. I can understand doing it the first time. I can get having two kids. But giving up taking baths and doing your nails for a third? I do not think I can get on board that ship after all. Maybe that makes me selfish. Maybe my priorities are out of whack. Maybe I really am just ready to be done and move on from babyhood.

Many people have told me you just know when you are done. I have long felt that we should have one more. Many people said that the time will come when one day you will begin to see new babies and while you may have a fleeting moment of sadness at being done, for the most part you think, "Thank God that is not me." I am not sure. At times I have felt that we are missing a child. I think what I am missing is not a baby. What I am missing is MY babies who are not so much babies anymore. I think I am not sad about not having another baby, I am sad about MY babies growing up. What I miss is not having a tiny baby to snuggle with, I miss my babies getting too big and busy to snuggle with me much anymore. What I miss is not the closeness of rocking that new child to sleep, but that closeness in general when your babies need you so very much. I do not want it from a new child. I don't want to lose it from the children I have.

I have to say more often than not lately, when I see a tiny baby, I think how sweet. I could do that again....but inevitably it ends with, "Thank God that is not me."

Comments

Judy said…
Abby!

I have 2 napping kids (it's a miracle) and was just sitting down to start my own post about how Eric and I have talked about it, and come to a conclusion about having more kids - that eventually (like 5 years) we want more!!!

We're crazy, yes, and won't have a weekend together until we're old and wrinkled and saggy, and we've got several years to change our minds, but I think we're going to end up one of those crazy giant families - there are already 4 kids between us!
Abby said…
I am closing in on 30. Mark is not a big fan of having more either.

Emma will be seven in March. Davis three in January. I think it is just time to hang up the saddle.

Kids are expensive too. Little money sucking, ankle biters. LOL.

I have younger cousins. They can step up to the plate and have babies. Then I can hand them back to them at the end of the night and go sleep the whole night through.
Judy said…
Well, Eric will be 50 in 5 years!

I just don't feel "done." And I get sad at the thought of no babies in the house.

We're nuts.
Anonymous said…
True they do not NEED you in the same capacity. Thank goodness I am only on diaper duty when I have Davis for the weekend-boys are great poopers! ; ) But, your role will continue to grow and change just like your kids do. It's funny when I read this entry - sounds like you do listen to me. And you know I am on the 'thank goodness that is not me' boat. Come aboard, have a drink and nap in the sun while our kids play in the water. All an option with the bigger kids! In fact have two drinks; Madison will keep an eye on the younger ones.
Anonymous said…
Funny thing about God's plan for our lives. He has a way of winning out in the end, whether it's what we want or not. Perhaps the focus should be not on the things given up for another child, but rather what can be gained.

On the other hand, if it is time to be done, wouldn't that selfless attention we have given our small children be better focused on others rather than ourselves? We learn to be selfless through our children (some of us take a little longer than others), so why would we then revert to selfishness as they get older?
Amanda. said…
I would love to have one or two more. Yeah, my kids drive me nuts and we're so po we can't afford the other o" and the "r" but I love me some babies. I love being all round and pregnant, I love giving birth, I love the way they look like little alien lumps for the first two months, and I love all the firsts.

I work with kids and when we have the teeny newborns in, I squeal with delight and try to get my hands on them. I'm pretty sure my squeals are inaudible to human ears but there are so dolphins out there like "great, Amanda found another baby."

Three coworkers are pregnant and I get all choked up when I see their pooching bellies and I bawled like a baby when I saw their first ultrasound pics. I brought all my old maternity clothes into them and I love seeing my old maternity duds going for another go 'round even if it isn't on me.

I lived a lot before having kids and I will live much more when they are a little older but for now, I am in full on baby mode.

I never claimed to not be crazy.
Abby said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Abby said…
I am the same way at times Amanda. It just seems with circumstances the way they are, it is best to be done. And when you have to accept that, it is best to look at the upswing. I do not foresee being able to afford another in the near future and with me turning 30 and Emma turning seven....it just seems like a long shot.

I actually did well pregnant and had easy pregnancies. Some times life circumstances are just the way they are...you know?
Amanda. said…
I hear you, Abby. I want more but the husband and I are definitely done with two because of our life circumstances.
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