Have you ever waited for something for so long that even though it may be closer to your reach, you just can not wait any longer?
Have you ever dealt with something that was so difficult it has forever jaded you?
Both of these things were brought to mind over the last couple of days.
I have wanted a third child since Davis was six months old. He turns three in a month. I have waited for Mark to be on board with this for those years. And while he is not on board completely, he is closer to it. But I have already waited for two and a half years. And I do not know how much longer the wait may be. I turned thirty this week. My kids are going to be seven and three. I just do not know if I can wait another year or longer. And Mark has no idea if or when the time will feel right. I view it this way. It is as if it we started to read the same book. Only I read to Chapter 8 and Mark was still in Chapter 1. Meanwhile, this was over the course of three years. I began to read a little slower but still by the time Mark got to Chapter 8, I was in Chapter 12. How long was I supposed to be reading Chapter 8? Not to mention that I see it as there will never be a "right" time. It is as if he is waiting for the impossible.
The other part is that I struggled to get pregnant with both of the kids. As in it took seven months for Emma which was super quick compared to Davis' year and a half. I have discovered that when someone tells me they are pregnant and the next thing I hear is, "It only took me one month of being off the pill," I tense up. It is almost an involuntary reaction to the news. It took me forever, so the concept of anything else is foreign. It also feels as if that person does not get how rough it can be and that they are not sensitive to people who struggle. So I am glad that I went through it as I did. I feel it makes me more aware.
This week has been rough. I timed it perfectly. Turning thirty lined right up with my monthly visitor. I did it too, unknowingly, as I started a new pill and starting it when I did is what caused it to fall this way. It was genius of me really.
Hey, you are turning thirty. And while the wound is open, let us throw some salt in it by you not having anymore kids. Party. I am up this late with horrific cramps (yea to the new pill) and now I can hear my son coughing and crying.
Anyone have any words about the IUD? Is it better than taking these stupid pills that seem to give me a great combo of migraines, horrible cramps and cause me to gain weight? Not to mention the moodiness that has to go?
Sorry for the rant. Just been a bad couple of days here.....boy I sure do have a great sense of timing.
Have you ever dealt with something that was so difficult it has forever jaded you?
Both of these things were brought to mind over the last couple of days.
I have wanted a third child since Davis was six months old. He turns three in a month. I have waited for Mark to be on board with this for those years. And while he is not on board completely, he is closer to it. But I have already waited for two and a half years. And I do not know how much longer the wait may be. I turned thirty this week. My kids are going to be seven and three. I just do not know if I can wait another year or longer. And Mark has no idea if or when the time will feel right. I view it this way. It is as if it we started to read the same book. Only I read to Chapter 8 and Mark was still in Chapter 1. Meanwhile, this was over the course of three years. I began to read a little slower but still by the time Mark got to Chapter 8, I was in Chapter 12. How long was I supposed to be reading Chapter 8? Not to mention that I see it as there will never be a "right" time. It is as if he is waiting for the impossible.
The other part is that I struggled to get pregnant with both of the kids. As in it took seven months for Emma which was super quick compared to Davis' year and a half. I have discovered that when someone tells me they are pregnant and the next thing I hear is, "It only took me one month of being off the pill," I tense up. It is almost an involuntary reaction to the news. It took me forever, so the concept of anything else is foreign. It also feels as if that person does not get how rough it can be and that they are not sensitive to people who struggle. So I am glad that I went through it as I did. I feel it makes me more aware.
This week has been rough. I timed it perfectly. Turning thirty lined right up with my monthly visitor. I did it too, unknowingly, as I started a new pill and starting it when I did is what caused it to fall this way. It was genius of me really.
Hey, you are turning thirty. And while the wound is open, let us throw some salt in it by you not having anymore kids. Party. I am up this late with horrific cramps (yea to the new pill) and now I can hear my son coughing and crying.
Anyone have any words about the IUD? Is it better than taking these stupid pills that seem to give me a great combo of migraines, horrible cramps and cause me to gain weight? Not to mention the moodiness that has to go?
Sorry for the rant. Just been a bad couple of days here.....boy I sure do have a great sense of timing.
Comments
See you tomorrow!
I can only guess at how frustrating this must be for you. I am curious though as to what his reasons are for wanting to wait.
My issue is that I am 30 and my kids are older (almost 7 and 3) and I homeschool Emma. Most of the time I really feel ready to be done but Mark says no to that as well.
I do not think I am tolerating the pill well anymore. Have not done well on it since I had kids. I was thinking of getting the IUD, a more permament form of birth control. Mark is not exactly for that either. Even though it is not permanent, permanent.
I just mostly get this feeling that that season is my life has passed. Only during this certain time do I get upset in anyway about any of it. Horomones.
Crossing my entire body for you....(;
On the IUD: I have one, and love some things, hate others. I never had much trouble with the pill - there was one kind I took that gave me migraines, but I used several different ones over the years and only had trouble one time.
I was hoping the IUD, since it changes (if not prevents) your cycles, would stop my PMS, which I didn't start getting until after Guthrie was born. HA! While my PMS is better, it's still there. I am aware of it now, though, and keep track so that I know when to expect it, so my husband doesn't want to divorce or institutionalize me for those couple days.
I get only minor cramps, now, and just very very minor spotting.
overall, I love my IUD, and it can come out at any time. We're waiting the full 5 years, and then we think we're going to have 2 more babies. We think.